Early Morning Epiphany

So, last night I was thinking about selflessness, and how I'm feeling pretty confident that there's NOTHING I (possibly anyone?) do without SOME selfish motive. Even if there are selfless motives with it. Ex: *I* want God to be pleased with *me* so I will worship Him and love others for the purpose of *my* pleasing God. See? It’s not a bad thing to desire, but my point is that *no matter* what I do, there’s something self-centered behind it. And honestly, I was kind of depressed about it. I *want* to want to do everything for the glory of God. But I can’t say it’s completely true that I simply *want* to do everything for the glory of God, because if I did, there would be zero selfish motive behind my actions, and I would be perfect, because that is what is pleasing to God. But, not wanting to let this depressive state take me captive, I decided to let myself fall asleep (eventually) and deal with these thoughts in the morning. Due to some other events this morning, I kind of forgot about last night until a few minutes ago. Then I sat down for a moment and the thoughts came back to me. I was saddened for a moment; then I had an epiphany, which I’ve probably had before but forgot: I. Am. Sinful. My natural, carnal state of being is evil. I was born into sin. I am of the lineage of Adam and Eve. I am prone to depravity, made from the dirt that snakes slither on, defiled by my selfish motives I’ve had since the day I was born. Yeah. It’s true. It’s gross. It’s ugly. BUT…God chooses to live inside of me. He became human incarnate, lived a human life, and died an excruciating human death, breaking his body and bleeding out so *I* could inherit eternal life, and I CAN DO GOOD THINGS and I CAN LOVE because HE lives inside of ME. And if you humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and recognize the selfish state of mind we all have, when we search deep within ourselves, and ask Him for mercy to cause His Holy Spirit to dwell within us and work through us…He will. I cannot explain why; if you figure it out, please let me know. But regardless of why, I know He DOES bless us and be gracious to us and show us mercy, if we let Him. Maybe I was supposed to realize how depraved I am at heart, after all. Without the knowledge of who I am and Who He is, how can I praise Him? HE IS SO VERY GOOD to us!!!!!



“And coming to Him as to a living stone which has been rejected by men, but is choice and precious in the sight of God, you also, as living stones, are being built up as a spiritual house for a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. For this is contained in Scripture:



‘BEHOLD, I LAY IN ZION A CHOICE STONE, A PRECIOUS CORNER stone,

AND HE WHO BELIEVES IN HIM WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.’

This precious value, then, is for you who believe; but for those who disbelieve,



‘THE STONE WHICH THE BUILDERS REJECTED,

THIS BECAME THE VERY CORNER stone,’

and,

‘A STONE OF STUMBLING AND A ROCK OF OFFENSE’;

for they stumble because they are disobedient to the word, and to this doom they were also appointed.

But you are A CHOSEN RACE, A royal PRIESTHOOD, A HOLY NATION, A PEOPLE FOR God’s OWN POSSESSION, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; for you once were NOT A PEOPLE, but now you are THE PEOPLE OF GOD; you had NOT RECEIVED MERCY, but now you have RECEIVED MERCY.

Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.”

1 Peter 2:4-11, NASB